For girls of the Y and Z generations, Romeo no longer holds the leading role. In the long run, the best friends put her on the post. Inquiry on this new paradigm. For Hannah, they come before everything else. Even before Adam, the man who makes his heart beat. With Jessa and Marnie, it’s life, death. In writing the screenplay for “Girls,” a series that portrays Generation Y, Lena Dunham, 30 in May, was inspired by her experience. “I see my best friend Audrey as a great love. The Marnie-Hannah relationship is based on that, “she told Interview Magazine. “I’ve always said that the real love story in” Girls “was the one that united these two women,” adds Jenni Konner, producer of the sitcom.
Girlfriends, more essential, more vital than a Romeo? Looks good: in 2016, Prince Charming does not dream more girls. It no longer seems this ultimate goal, supposed to give full meaning to our existence. Because for generations Y and Z, friendship has become the main criterion of happiness. A statement confirmed by the American study “Tapestry Research”, published in 2015. “The thirties see around them that separation and divorce are often used options, notes Claire Werro Zufferey, couple therapist in Givisiez (FR) . It is a destabilizing factor that makes them doubt about love with a big A. “
Experts in ruptures And like bacteria, the crisis of faith in the life of two develops in a favorable environment. Break of parents, future prospects at half-mast, divorce Garner-Affleck couple, add the output of the last Adele, shake: it works every time. According to a study conducted by the magazine “Neon”, 93% of the thirties have already experienced the end of a love affair, against only 69% of respondents aged over 60 years. “We are the first generation to have lived so many separations, it is historical,” summarizes the German monthly. Hello the feeling of disillusionment.
Gaëlle Aeby, Ph.D. in sociology and author of a thesis on the links of blood and friendship, distinguishes two reasons for this evolution: “The transition to adulthood is now in several stages. Before, there was a concordance between first work, marriage and departure from the family home. Today, the different thresholds are out of sync. We see the couple more as the possibility of experiencing something new rather than directly finding the perfect partner to get married. “This leaves room for other forms of relationship. For the Geneva sociologist, the couple is also very (too?) Idealized: it is required that the tandem meets all our expectations. And when we are disappointed, we do not hesitate to take off.
The solution then appears: what if we relied more on his friends than on a hypothetical “happy end” at the Walt Disney to advance? In a society where happiness rhymes with immediacy and security, the couple can be scary. To love is to take the risk of suffering, of being left behind, of questioning oneself. The withdrawal on friendship? A way to protect yourself. “Friendship is more individualistic,” says Claire Werro Zufferey. There is no requirement of exclusivity, fidelity. It leaves you freer, is experienced as less restrictive and less risky. It protects against rupture and abandonment. “In short, disappointment.
For Andrea, 30, “friendship is a wonderful gift: if life was a cookie, my friends would be chocolate chips. I can give them everything and let go without worrying about the image I give of myself. “Corinne Dollon, psychotherapist, agrees:” We are more sincere, more of ourselves in friendship. The judgment does not exist: we do not feel obliged to wear a mask, to play a role. “
My friend, darling
The pals above everything, so. Especially since friendship is able to replace the hollows left by love. Even the feeling of fusion. Normal, the border between adolescence and adulthood tends to extend, and the life of the best friends follows the movement. Welcome to the #BFF, #besties and other #mygirl era, in passionate mode. “Honey, we have a drink together at 6 pm?” It’s not an SMS from her lover, but from her friend Margaux, whom Justine has just received. “I sometimes feel like a couple with her: there is not a day when we do not give news, she knows everything about me,” says Justine, 27. “Our friendship is so fusional that we sometimes end up managing” couple disputes “due for example to a feeling of jealousy,” says Margaux, 28. “There is such an emotional lack in our society that we tend to project our love expectations on friendship,” decrypts Corinne Dollon, author of “Enough! I do not take my head anymore “(Editions Solar). Left to find, against all